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I think it’s funny how kids always sing that rhyme…
Rain, rain go away
Come again another day

But really, do I want the rain to come back another day? I think it has literally rained every other day in Boston during this entire summer. The humidity here is just ridiculous; maybe it’s the city pollution cloud that keeps all of the moisture from escaping so we just get thick humidity and rain all the time. But, it’s absolutely disgusting and upsetting.

I’m reading The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon and the autistic narrator describes how his measure of a good or bad day is the number of cars of a certain color that pass while they are driving to school. So, three red cars in a row counts as a good day but three yellow cars in a row counts as a bad day. The longer the pattern, the more intense the feeling. He notes that other people think his method is silly, but he explains that it is as arbitrary as other people deciding their feelings based upon the weather.

But the rain really does make me sad and tired and lazy. It makes me just want to curl up with a book next to the air conditioner (since there’s only one in this entire house) and read all day long or take a nap in a couch and just sit and be. It’s actually quite a lot like pulling teeth to get me to go outside in the rain. And when we took some of the students out on a field trip to the aquarium when it was absolutely down pouring, it took an enormous amount of energy to try and keep positive for the kids.

I was soaking wet. And I was wearing jeans. The kind that start to weight 50 lbs after their weight. I was also wearing sneakers with holes and socks. Socks that just suck up the water and squish until you come home and your feet have pruned and smell nasty. Blah.

Go away rain, please.

So I don’t know what the future brings. And that’s all I really have to say now. It’s easy for me to just busy myself with the current, focus on the now, and just get by. Work is so crazy and strenuous teaching sixth graders that it’s easy for me to just go with the flow and keep going not stopping to look back or look forward. I guess it also gives me a sense of accomplishment and confidence that I can get through each day one by one. But when it comes to decisions and tasks that will influence the next two or three years of my life, I seem to lose focus all over again.

First and foremost, I am thankful that I even have several opportunities and different paths to walk down. But, now it’s a matter of applying to each and choosing the one that is the right fit. And now, it’s hard to differentiate from my own pride and bias and what I want to do in the next stage of my life with what God is calling me to do. I know that God gives us passions to pursue for a reason and oftentimes because He wants to use us in those places, but how do I know this is the right path?

I guess only time will tell. And until then, I will just have to wait. Patience really is a virtue. Especially in this world.